Inglorious Basterds
9/14/13

I've been drinking straight vodka since about 4:30 P.M. and it's now 9.

I did my homework this time.
http://boards.420chan.org/b/src/1378906423741.jpg
http://boards.420chan.org/b/src/1378906151178.jpg

Those links won't last long but you get the picture.  My coffee cup of vodka just ran dry so I've gotta go refill.  brb.  Also I need a cigarette.  Double brb.
Alright, after that 30 minute one-man dance party and another cigarette I'm ready to get this going.  Currently blasting "Come on Eileen".  I'm sure my neighbors hate me but Sailor V.
COME ON EILEEN, OH I SWEAR, AT THIS MOMENT, YOU MEAN EVERYTHING, BUT YOU'RE DIRTY

Alright, the film, the film now.  This one I actually have on DVD, yeah that's right I didn't pirate this shit, I actually saw it in theaters and then bought the expensive bastard. 
COME ON EILEEN TO RIGHT AM, NOW YOU HAVE SHOWN, EILEEN, TOO RIGHT AM, TOO RIGHT AM, COME ON EILEEN, I SWEAR AT THIS MOMENT, AH COME ON EILEEN

Oh shit the movie's started, better cut off the music.  It's dying down anyway.  Alright, milk scene take me home.  No, titles at the beginning, Woody Allen style.  Cool.
Alright, hittin some wood, some Beethoven, papa.
I love how GODDAMN slow this scene plays.  It's so slow.  If I hadn't done my laundry earlier I could do it now.  The Nazis are coming, the Nazis are coming.
Is the German landscape really that beautiful?  Fuck me slowly with a chainsaw.
Subtitles.  Great, it's not like I can read at the moment.  Or that I know French.  Wait, we're in France, aren't we?  Fuck.  Alright then, dairy farm, milk, cool.  Shoot me now this scene is so depressing.  Hang on, I've got a knife, I'll carve my depression into my forehead. 
Yeah this guy's cows kick Nazi ass.
Nazi cows are so uptight, it's hard to get any milk at all and the milk you DO get is kinda anti-semitic.
Fuck I'm too drunk, there are like ten nazis sitting at the table, but I'll try to continue.
Damn, old pens suck.  I like their results but fuck they take a lot of goddamn effort.
PIPE WARS.
http://memestorage.com/_nw/19/30578586.jpg
damn this nazi' got good handwriting
...Fuck this is a good scene.  So slow, so poignant.  It makes the vodka taste sweeter.
fuck this movie is depressing.
Alright, Brad Pitt is fucking awesome.  I want to have his babies.  Killing GNATZEES is the greatest thing that's even been done. 
This is a very good and brutal comedy.  Everyone must understand that this is a comedy.  I see parts that Valkyrie treats as serious where this is wholly parody.  Still, I have to enjoy the killing of nazis.  I find no humanity there, and even those who were "tricked" or "goaded" into joining deserve nothing less than death.  The men working at the death camps technically deserve torture but I would be willing to give them a quick death.  I could never torture anything.  Still, bashing a neo nazi's brains into mush would give me the greatest pleasure.  Neo Nazis know the lay of the land and they still do what they do and each one is a member of a no-good clan and they deserve to be destroyed, piece by piece if need be.
A few years ago my halloween costume was "the bear jew".  A lot of people didn't get it but it's all cause of this one scene.  Beating a man to death with a baseball bat.  I could do that and then eat my breakfast.  A more traditional breakfast.  My current breakfast is cigarettes and coffee.
Different groups throughout history have been cruel, and the most accurate comparison is that of those damned Americans that enjoyed torturing and selling Africans during slavery.  Honestly I might enjoy bashing one of them to bits just as much, pantaloons and all.  Not that it truly matters but I'm glad my ancestors were poor, much too poor to have slaves.  They were farmers, dirt poor, but that's enough about that.
God, the best parts of this film involve the Basterds, the rest is slow, (still good of course) but too slow for my blood.  Blood strewn with large amounts of vodka mind you.
I just saw that famous nazi soldier dude in a spanish film not four nights ago, speaking perfect spanish.  Damn, I wish I could know so many languages.  Fuck.  He is damn sexy, and so is she, though in that scene where she's putting on makeup it very nearly ruins it for me.  I hate makeup and, althought I know she must do it to blend in, it's so retarded, what with the obnoxious music and all.
Django Unchained used music much the same as this, blending different eras of music together to form a cohesive whole.  Django did it much better.  This one has that stupid scene where she puts makeup on and the entire thing just kills it for me.  Before that was good, after that was good, but the now is ruined.
Fuck I know I'm drunk 'cause I'm goin on another anti-makeup tirade.  I do that.  Fuck makeup. 
I do know how it is to be with someone more famous or popular than you, sitting there acting like everything's cool when inside you want to slit your wrists more than usual.
Fuck, some parts of this film are really stressful.  I don't know what I'm doing watching it, like 20 glasses of vodka rocks deep.  I'm getting concerned, because after so much I should be on the floor but instead I feel slightly buzzed.  Fuck this.  So expensive.
 A million years have passed.  It was twelve when I paused it and now it's 3:27.  Fucking telephones.  I need a drink. "Let the Sunshine In" by the Fifth Dimension.
Everything is what it is, fuck everything else and anything that tells us otherwise.
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
alright I'm fucked the shit up, i Cannot continue
I cannot continue
fuck the gnazis, it is beyond my control

Out of 42 lovely gnazis I give this pitcure 20 gold franks.
<3