Changeling
9/18/13

Only one vodka rocks so far, but it'll soon add up.  I've got hardly any vodka left, really, so I might run down to the Chevron and get some 40s.

I really like the setting.  Like I think it's the 20s.  Explains one reason why I've been rewatching Boardwalk Empire so much lately.
Angelina Jolie should dress like a flapper all the time.  It really works for her.
If these are real sets, like they seem to be, then damn, I mean damn, that's gotta be expensive.  Same for the cars, though those they can just lease I think.
So the guy (the father) got a box of responsibility and left a woman who looks exactly like Angelina Jolie?  Sorry Eastwood but I dunno about that, even if it was orders to go fight in the great war, which is my guess.
I torrented this movie like two years ago, tried to watch it once, and gave up.  I'm slowly remembering why.  It's so boooooooooring.  Nothing's going on.  Pretty though.
PHONES.
Maybe the working conditions explains why phone operators are so bitchy.
MISSING YOUR TROLLEY, THE MOTION PICTURE.
Uh oh, no kid in the house.  It's like the opposite of Home Alone.  Maybe if Jolie were to set up some traps around the house the story might start moving...
Is that John Malkovich?
Wow, he hates cops more than I do.  Which is a lot.
Okay, it's 1928.  I was paying attention this time when the words got thrown on there.
Wait, is this gonna be like Gothika or some shit where she's just losing her mind and no one believes her?  That'd be weird.
Is that the dude from Memento?
Cops are dicks, but you already knew that, didn't you?
Oops, looks like she is going crazy, or maybe not, maybe it is a different kid.  They all look alike to me so I can't really say.  I'd have to rewind and really don't want to.
Wait, is this gonna be like a sci-fi movie?  Like the name "Changeling" is suddenly feeling kinda weird.
From what I've gathered so far I'm guessing that the LAPD got a random kid (see: orphan) and trained him to believe he was this lady's missing (see: dead) kid so they'd have a happy story and look good.
If she slapped the hell out of the kid I'd probably laugh.  Just saying.
The dude from Memento is struggling through that accent.
"The best minds in the fields of child identification" -how does one get into that line or work and shouldn't we be kinda scared of people that'd want to be in that line of work?
More vodka!
"Spinal Shrinkage and Circumcision" would've been a better title than "Changeling", I think.
Wait, this is based on fact?  That's right, I'm checking out Wikipedia rather than actually watching the damn thing.  It's pretty but extremely redundant.
Maybe I don't care because it's set in 1928 and doesn't involve gangsters at all.  Though, the bits of Boardwalk Empire with Kelly Macdonald, mostly excluding the whole crime element, I really enjoy.  And in this there's some good acting.  And it's really pretty, have I already said that?
So the cops didn't instruct the kid on his teacher's name or something about his teeth, I wasn't really paying attention, that's FASCINATING.  Please, give me more, mister Eastwood.
Damn, this movie is five years old.  2008 was five years ago.  Fuck me gently with a chainsaw.
Alright so now it's like Girl, Interrupted or something.  Wish I was watching that movie.  I should download that sometime soon.
Maybe it'll be like American Horror Story: Asylum.  That'd be fucking awesome.
With that hair Jolie almost looks like Keira Knightly.  It's workin for me.
Now we're in some ghosttown with serial killers.  Well that's cool.
Or maybe not, maybe just one little brat.
Crazy lady good morning!
okay time to buy some 40s.  PAUSE.
And we're back.
...so cops are assholes.  Yeah, we got it, we know.  It's a fact.  Get on with it.
rulers=axes
DEPORTATION TO CANADA? COULD ANYTHING BE MORE HORRIFYING!?
Fuck, an hour in and it looks like there's another hour and a half to go.  Good thing I've got my Mickeys.
So you killed 20 kids.  Big deal.
Before rape vans and ice cream trucks I guess there were flatbeds and the lie was that your parents were in an accident.
Wow, Memento dude is a dick.
I didn't know they had electroshock in 1928.
Goddamn all of these scenes are soooo slow.  That'd be fine if anything was happening.  Or if they needed to be so long.
*insert dead baby joke here*
The whole "fuck you and the horse you rode in on" thing was really blatant and handled stupidly.  And then there's a last minute salvation by Malkovich.
Wow, Good Guy Lawyer Man.  Never seen that before.
Wait, did they release the actually crazy ladies along with the normal ladies that got fucked over by the police?  That makes sense.
SOOOOOOOOOOO LONG.  This movie should be over by now.  Everything's been neatly wrapped up already.
WUT?  Secret courtroom switcheroo?
So now it's old school Law and Order?  So now we get to hear all about everything we just saw.  WONDERFUL.
I want a gif of Jolie's muscle twinge when Memento dude admitted he fucked up.  It's delicious.
Now we even have slow, "hurry it up" guitar sounds in the background of a ridiculously slow wrap up and it seems like this movie just won't die.
GET ON WITH IT.
I need a drink.  Not this one, another one, in a different glass.
It keeps on going, on and on and on and on and I suddenly want to listen to Justice.
This is worse than Return of the King.  Fuck.  Damn.  Shit fuck.
Give it up you stupid cunt your boy's dead, pushing up the daisies, he is no more, he has ceased to be.
Did you kill my son?  Did you kill my son?  Did you kill my son?  Did you kill my son?  Did you kill my son?  Did you kill my son?  Did you kill my son?  How'd it get burned?  How'd it get burned, how'd it get burned, HOW'D IT GET BURNED?
What a pitiful end.
Now it's 1935! Great! It's not like this movie should've ended an hour ago or anything!
Alright, kid gets reunited with parents, happy ending, please, please end.
Hope.  Hope that a movie can finally, painfully end.
TEXT! Blissful text, please lead us out.
Fuck you Eastwood.