Jacob's Ladder
9/26/13
A shitload of vodka, about to start on the straight bourbon.
I know absolutely nothing about this film. Other than that it was really trippy. That's why I downloaded this thing. Let's get it on bitch.
aaaannnd, I need more to drink. One moment.
I'm eating tuna out of the can like I'm a fucking cat. Just wasn't feeling the ramen at the moment.
Death, destruction, and seizures for some reason.
I don't even.
The fuck is going on? I really don't know.
WAIT, WAT?
Now we're suddenly back in the States in a subway?
I don't even.
Well the subway in 1990 certainly seems creepy enough.
What the hell was going on with the old gypsy woman?
ABANDONED SUBWAYS: THE MOVIE
Fuck, this is like "The Wall" or something. ...I like it.
Elevators, and everything else for that matter, are so worn down and shitty. I'm pretty sure this is New York, so that might be the same today, I dunno.
God, his girlfriend is gorgeous. Oh my god, shower scene, yes please.
For some reason I think I've seen the girl years later when she was older. Maybe not, who can tell? In 1990 she was hot as shit, that's all that matters at the moment.
When does the fear and loathing shit start up? I'm gonna need a cigarette in a minute. Especially if nothing happens.
WAIT WHAT. Maculy Culkin? I know I didn't spell his name right but I don't give a fucking shit at the moment, I'm drunk, what the hell man. Culkin was his kid or something? Is he gonna be in this film? Goddamn dude.
Man in 1990s sucked for everyone but John McClaine, and actually they sucked for him too. Fuck the 90s. Kinda glad I was born in the 80s now. Except I had to bear a lot of shitty music for that coming decade, the decade that never seemed to want to end. Best cartoons of all time though, so there's that.
I think this girl was a cop in some later show. I'll have to look it up. Like Law n Order or some shit. I know I've seen her in other stuff.
Danny Aiello, in between Spike Lee films, making white people look like we're all the devil incarnate. Maybe we are, but all the other races are too. There is no angel race.
So Danny's gonna tap into his underlying memories or something and unearth some crazy ass shit? I can't wait. Get on with it.
The fuck? When did this become Death Race 2000? Or Carmageddon 2? One of my favorite violent games my father actually played with me. Just harkening back a bit. This bourbon's gonna be the death of me tomorrow.
Was an orc driving the car? I am so confuzzled.
The fuck is going on? Is this like a weird Vietnam Vet Alice in Wonderland?
Seeing as how I'm losing my own mind I can totally relate to this dude. Is that really so bad? Is it a bad thing to lose one's mind? To be completely disconnected? To think differently from the crowd? To long for that moment when you'll be crossing over, rather than dreading it. That moment in between worlds that could quite possibly last for billions of years before the point of death, the transit stretching out the perception of time to such an extent that time itself no long holds sway over your mind and you see everything, forever. Been there, done that. I'd go again but I don't know the right people or have enough $.
Chic was still big in 1990? I suppose I think the year of the decade change everything should suddenly shift but in actuality it doesn't work like that. Shit clothes continued past the 80s, well into the 90s. If only the 60s and 70s had never ended.
Oh shit the mystic lady was the chief lady from Law and Order. Maybe the other chick was from Law and Order after all.
"according to this you're already dead" -well that's just great. Thanks for pointing that shit out. Gracias.
Oh my god, that party FUCKING RULED. I'd love to see some shit like that. Girlfriend turning into a lizard, or fucking a lizard, getting spiked through the mouth or something by something or other. Strobe lights everywhere, forever. I've got two myself. I'm tempted to turn them on for the rest of the film. Hang on, cig time. BRB in like 15 minutes.
Ice, water, ice water. Death by ice water.
Is he already dead?
NOOOOOOO, Maculy Culkin! WAT
What is going on?
I don't even anymore.
I dont even.
So it's not just him, other guys from the war are losing their minds. Or maybe they're the only ones who can see the truth. I can't tell yet.
Now it's Rocky? WHat the fuck is going on.
Oh shit it's the badass black dude from ER. Why haven't I seen him in anything in like ten years? Benson was the fuckin G. Did he retire? Fuck.
Oh shit it's the awesome black dude from Mission Impossible too. Damn, the badassness to normalcy ratio is way off.
Holy shit, now George from Seinfeld? Damn, too many famous dudes have shown up in the past 5 minutes. If only they were in the whole movie.
So... they were never in Vietnam, just some wargames in Thailand fucked em up? No comprende, senor.
Oh, so it's all an army experiment gone wrong? Okay then. I was hoping for more fucked up shit, more hallucinations and what not.
the shiiiiiiiit?
rolling a man whose back might be out into some backalley?
fuck me.
This is some shit.
oh my gentle jesus
this is hell?
HOLY FUCK is that the mom from Game of Thrones who just got offed off? Holy shit
DREAM ON
The only parts of you that burn in hell are the parts you can't let go of.
Good words. Don't know how true they are. Expect I'll find out.
now I am very confuzzled
as I expect most of the audience is as well
IT'S A TRAP.
goddamn telephone
fuck, okay so it's not a trap I guess. Just exposition out the ass, a drug like outta 28 days later, tried on humans. and they all killed each other
YES! That was awesome! I was about to write this movie off as a piece of sentimental shit until the very end. That sealed it in for me. I fucking love this movie, and it's all about the very end. It has to be. That's something that I believe in, what with the DMT that hits your brain right before the end. It's a truth that could hold within in a multitude of years and lifetimes. Having had more than one crazy trip, I can say that I have experienced a multitude of lifetimes that my current age of 24 doesn't show. I might seem to be 24 but in actuality I have experienced so much time and so much pain and so much struggle and bliss that my age has nothing to do with my behavior and realization of the world and everything in it.
With that I will have a bit more to drink and say Adieu, bitches.
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Changeling
9/18/13
Only one vodka rocks so far, but it'll soon add up. I've got hardly any vodka left, really, so I might run down to the Chevron and get some 40s.
I really like the setting. Like I think it's the 20s. Explains one reason why I've been rewatching Boardwalk Empire so much lately.
Angelina Jolie should dress like a flapper all the time. It really works for her.
If these are real sets, like they seem to be, then damn, I mean damn, that's gotta be expensive. Same for the cars, though those they can just lease I think.
So the guy (the father) got a box of responsibility and left a woman who looks exactly like Angelina Jolie? Sorry Eastwood but I dunno about that, even if it was orders to go fight in the great war, which is my guess.
I torrented this movie like two years ago, tried to watch it once, and gave up. I'm slowly remembering why. It's so boooooooooring. Nothing's going on. Pretty though.
PHONES.
Maybe the working conditions explains why phone operators are so bitchy.
MISSING YOUR TROLLEY, THE MOTION PICTURE.
Uh oh, no kid in the house. It's like the opposite of Home Alone. Maybe if Jolie were to set up some traps around the house the story might start moving...
Is that John Malkovich?
Wow, he hates cops more than I do. Which is a lot.
Okay, it's 1928. I was paying attention this time when the words got thrown on there.
Wait, is this gonna be like Gothika or some shit where she's just losing her mind and no one believes her? That'd be weird.
Is that the dude from Memento?
Cops are dicks, but you already knew that, didn't you?
Oops, looks like she is going crazy, or maybe not, maybe it is a different kid. They all look alike to me so I can't really say. I'd have to rewind and really don't want to.
Wait, is this gonna be like a sci-fi movie? Like the name "Changeling" is suddenly feeling kinda weird.
From what I've gathered so far I'm guessing that the LAPD got a random kid (see: orphan) and trained him to believe he was this lady's missing (see: dead) kid so they'd have a happy story and look good.
If she slapped the hell out of the kid I'd probably laugh. Just saying.
The dude from Memento is struggling through that accent.
"The best minds in the fields of child identification" -how does one get into that line or work and shouldn't we be kinda scared of people that'd want to be in that line of work?
More vodka!
"Spinal Shrinkage and Circumcision" would've been a better title than "Changeling", I think.
Wait, this is based on fact? That's right, I'm checking out Wikipedia rather than actually watching the damn thing. It's pretty but extremely redundant.
Maybe I don't care because it's set in 1928 and doesn't involve gangsters at all. Though, the bits of Boardwalk Empire with Kelly Macdonald, mostly excluding the whole crime element, I really enjoy. And in this there's some good acting. And it's really pretty, have I already said that?
So the cops didn't instruct the kid on his teacher's name or something about his teeth, I wasn't really paying attention, that's FASCINATING. Please, give me more, mister Eastwood.
Damn, this movie is five years old. 2008 was five years ago. Fuck me gently with a chainsaw.
Alright so now it's like Girl, Interrupted or something. Wish I was watching that movie. I should download that sometime soon.
Maybe it'll be like American Horror Story: Asylum. That'd be fucking awesome.
With that hair Jolie almost looks like Keira Knightly. It's workin for me.
Now we're in some ghosttown with serial killers. Well that's cool.
Or maybe not, maybe just one little brat.
Crazy lady good morning!
okay time to buy some 40s. PAUSE.
And we're back.
...so cops are assholes. Yeah, we got it, we know. It's a fact. Get on with it.
rulers=axes
DEPORTATION TO CANADA? COULD ANYTHING BE MORE HORRIFYING!?
Fuck, an hour in and it looks like there's another hour and a half to go. Good thing I've got my Mickeys.
So you killed 20 kids. Big deal.
Before rape vans and ice cream trucks I guess there were flatbeds and the lie was that your parents were in an accident.
Wow, Memento dude is a dick.
I didn't know they had electroshock in 1928.
Goddamn all of these scenes are soooo slow. That'd be fine if anything was happening. Or if they needed to be so long.
*insert dead baby joke here*
The whole "fuck you and the horse you rode in on" thing was really blatant and handled stupidly. And then there's a last minute salvation by Malkovich.
Wow, Good Guy Lawyer Man. Never seen that before.
Wait, did they release the actually crazy ladies along with the normal ladies that got fucked over by the police? That makes sense.
SOOOOOOOOOOO LONG. This movie should be over by now. Everything's been neatly wrapped up already.
WUT? Secret courtroom switcheroo?
So now it's old school Law and Order? So now we get to hear all about everything we just saw. WONDERFUL.
I want a gif of Jolie's muscle twinge when Memento dude admitted he fucked up. It's delicious.
Now we even have slow, "hurry it up" guitar sounds in the background of a ridiculously slow wrap up and it seems like this movie just won't die.
GET ON WITH IT.
I need a drink. Not this one, another one, in a different glass.
It keeps on going, on and on and on and on and I suddenly want to listen to Justice.
This is worse than Return of the King. Fuck. Damn. Shit fuck.
Give it up you stupid cunt your boy's dead, pushing up the daisies, he is no more, he has ceased to be.
Did you kill my son? Did you kill my son? Did you kill my son? Did you kill my son? Did you kill my son? Did you kill my son? Did you kill my son? How'd it get burned? How'd it get burned, how'd it get burned, HOW'D IT GET BURNED?
What a pitiful end.
Now it's 1935! Great! It's not like this movie should've ended an hour ago or anything!
Alright, kid gets reunited with parents, happy ending, please, please end.
Hope. Hope that a movie can finally, painfully end.
TEXT! Blissful text, please lead us out.
Fuck you Eastwood.
9/18/13
Only one vodka rocks so far, but it'll soon add up. I've got hardly any vodka left, really, so I might run down to the Chevron and get some 40s.
I really like the setting. Like I think it's the 20s. Explains one reason why I've been rewatching Boardwalk Empire so much lately.
Angelina Jolie should dress like a flapper all the time. It really works for her.
If these are real sets, like they seem to be, then damn, I mean damn, that's gotta be expensive. Same for the cars, though those they can just lease I think.
So the guy (the father) got a box of responsibility and left a woman who looks exactly like Angelina Jolie? Sorry Eastwood but I dunno about that, even if it was orders to go fight in the great war, which is my guess.
I torrented this movie like two years ago, tried to watch it once, and gave up. I'm slowly remembering why. It's so boooooooooring. Nothing's going on. Pretty though.
PHONES.
Maybe the working conditions explains why phone operators are so bitchy.
MISSING YOUR TROLLEY, THE MOTION PICTURE.
Uh oh, no kid in the house. It's like the opposite of Home Alone. Maybe if Jolie were to set up some traps around the house the story might start moving...
Is that John Malkovich?
Wow, he hates cops more than I do. Which is a lot.
Okay, it's 1928. I was paying attention this time when the words got thrown on there.
Wait, is this gonna be like Gothika or some shit where she's just losing her mind and no one believes her? That'd be weird.
Is that the dude from Memento?
Cops are dicks, but you already knew that, didn't you?
Oops, looks like she is going crazy, or maybe not, maybe it is a different kid. They all look alike to me so I can't really say. I'd have to rewind and really don't want to.
Wait, is this gonna be like a sci-fi movie? Like the name "Changeling" is suddenly feeling kinda weird.
From what I've gathered so far I'm guessing that the LAPD got a random kid (see: orphan) and trained him to believe he was this lady's missing (see: dead) kid so they'd have a happy story and look good.
If she slapped the hell out of the kid I'd probably laugh. Just saying.
The dude from Memento is struggling through that accent.
"The best minds in the fields of child identification" -how does one get into that line or work and shouldn't we be kinda scared of people that'd want to be in that line of work?
More vodka!
"Spinal Shrinkage and Circumcision" would've been a better title than "Changeling", I think.
Wait, this is based on fact? That's right, I'm checking out Wikipedia rather than actually watching the damn thing. It's pretty but extremely redundant.
Maybe I don't care because it's set in 1928 and doesn't involve gangsters at all. Though, the bits of Boardwalk Empire with Kelly Macdonald, mostly excluding the whole crime element, I really enjoy. And in this there's some good acting. And it's really pretty, have I already said that?
So the cops didn't instruct the kid on his teacher's name or something about his teeth, I wasn't really paying attention, that's FASCINATING. Please, give me more, mister Eastwood.
Damn, this movie is five years old. 2008 was five years ago. Fuck me gently with a chainsaw.
Alright so now it's like Girl, Interrupted or something. Wish I was watching that movie. I should download that sometime soon.
Maybe it'll be like American Horror Story: Asylum. That'd be fucking awesome.
With that hair Jolie almost looks like Keira Knightly. It's workin for me.
Now we're in some ghosttown with serial killers. Well that's cool.
Or maybe not, maybe just one little brat.
Crazy lady good morning!
okay time to buy some 40s. PAUSE.
And we're back.
...so cops are assholes. Yeah, we got it, we know. It's a fact. Get on with it.
rulers=axes
DEPORTATION TO CANADA? COULD ANYTHING BE MORE HORRIFYING!?
Fuck, an hour in and it looks like there's another hour and a half to go. Good thing I've got my Mickeys.
So you killed 20 kids. Big deal.
Before rape vans and ice cream trucks I guess there were flatbeds and the lie was that your parents were in an accident.
Wow, Memento dude is a dick.
I didn't know they had electroshock in 1928.
Goddamn all of these scenes are soooo slow. That'd be fine if anything was happening. Or if they needed to be so long.
*insert dead baby joke here*
The whole "fuck you and the horse you rode in on" thing was really blatant and handled stupidly. And then there's a last minute salvation by Malkovich.
Wow, Good Guy Lawyer Man. Never seen that before.
Wait, did they release the actually crazy ladies along with the normal ladies that got fucked over by the police? That makes sense.
SOOOOOOOOOOO LONG. This movie should be over by now. Everything's been neatly wrapped up already.
WUT? Secret courtroom switcheroo?
So now it's old school Law and Order? So now we get to hear all about everything we just saw. WONDERFUL.
I want a gif of Jolie's muscle twinge when Memento dude admitted he fucked up. It's delicious.
Now we even have slow, "hurry it up" guitar sounds in the background of a ridiculously slow wrap up and it seems like this movie just won't die.
GET ON WITH IT.
I need a drink. Not this one, another one, in a different glass.
It keeps on going, on and on and on and on and I suddenly want to listen to Justice.
This is worse than Return of the King. Fuck. Damn. Shit fuck.
Give it up you stupid cunt your boy's dead, pushing up the daisies, he is no more, he has ceased to be.
Did you kill my son? Did you kill my son? Did you kill my son? Did you kill my son? Did you kill my son? Did you kill my son? Did you kill my son? How'd it get burned? How'd it get burned, how'd it get burned, HOW'D IT GET BURNED?
What a pitiful end.
Now it's 1935! Great! It's not like this movie should've ended an hour ago or anything!
Alright, kid gets reunited with parents, happy ending, please, please end.
Hope. Hope that a movie can finally, painfully end.
TEXT! Blissful text, please lead us out.
Fuck you Eastwood.
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Hard Boiled
9/18/13
One 40 oz of Mickeys, 6 glasses of vodka rocks by now
How many bullets can fit in a gun? Apparently a million and in order to kill a cop it takes about fifty to the chest. At least in Hong Kong. Also I remember I like this movie but forgot how much retarded slo-mo there is. The slo-mo is uneventful and disturbs the action.
"Give a man a gun and he's superman, give him two and he's GOD."
Yep, two guns and you can do anything and kill anyone, cause ammo doesn't concern itself with the guns of the gods. Also you can gun down a pedestrian, a nobody, and because of all the shit that's flying around the room you're totally immune from being persecuted.
And jazz is a mass murderer's best friend. Cause.
This dub job is making my brain hurt, it's so bad.
Also driving around Hong Kong apparently is awesome (while on massive amounts of cocaine, which would prove too obvious for words but is implied I think)
Also reading sucks. Maybe it's just reading in Chinese that sucks. Or libraries in general, I dunno.
It is kinda cool to see shitty knockoffs of Russian guns being used so openly and without concern for all the problems that would naturally come with them, like jamming, etc. You could pull a gun on a guy and the gun would jam and either the shot would never fire or it would but would stop the next shot from firing. These are all real world concerns which would add a lot of tension to scenes. Instead we are treated with knockoff Tokarev's which hold 3 billion bullets for some reason.
Yes, scenes of paperwork being explained! Wonderful! Brilliant! Bold! Boring! *gunshot
IS THAT ILLLEGAL?
best line of the movie so far. Totally out of place and very ridiculous. I love it.
perfect, Tequila's a jerk and his girl is shrill and annoying. I'm kinda surprised there wasn't a gun battle involving them both by now.
Or was there? KA-ZING.
"Superintendant"
"What's up?"
That's the kind of place i'd like to work at.
Wow, is it just me or is everyone in this film retarded? That would make sense of Mission Impossible 2. (same director)
I'm starting to draw a blank as to why I thought this movie was awesome. OH YEAH, it's because I was twelve. The moments in between mass murder nothing makes sense at all and no one really cares because the action is what it is. I need another drink.
The fact that he also tosses back fish, big fish, bothers me as a fisherman. He's either too lazy to clean and eat it or the lives of fish are too much trouble to kill while murdering twenty men, including innocents caught in the crossfire, are no big deal.
Part of me thinks that MST3K did this dubbing as a joke. It's pretty bad.
Also I don't know what the fuck is going on. All this blue is cool, especially compared to orange but seriously, what is going on?
What? That boss leader dude is way too trusting.
I know this is when slo-mo was cool but way to fucking overdo it big time. Fuck.
Also an IMG has 30 bullets, not a hundred, though why am I even saying this at this point. Fuck.
Guns never need to be reloaded, ever. EVER.
I still don't know anything about the story and i've been here the entire time. Who is doing what to whom has no bearing. Tequila is gonna shoot some bitches, that's it. Also his partner is pretending to be a bad guy, or something, but they still shoot some innocents along the way.
Tequila, why are you wasting time loading a shotgun? Don't you know that gun's ammo is based on cool fusion?
"I Got this high, but surely you don't have to kill all my boys."
Alright, I totally understand why I loved this movie as a kid. It doesn't matter why, or where, or whom, it's all about murder, and lots of it.
Nevermind all that shit, this is the greatest action film ever made.
FUCK ME
I literally have no words.
anyward, undercoer, fuck, fuck, fuck, a guy called Vodka?
9/18/13
One 40 oz of Mickeys, 6 glasses of vodka rocks by now
How many bullets can fit in a gun? Apparently a million and in order to kill a cop it takes about fifty to the chest. At least in Hong Kong. Also I remember I like this movie but forgot how much retarded slo-mo there is. The slo-mo is uneventful and disturbs the action.
"Give a man a gun and he's superman, give him two and he's GOD."
Yep, two guns and you can do anything and kill anyone, cause ammo doesn't concern itself with the guns of the gods. Also you can gun down a pedestrian, a nobody, and because of all the shit that's flying around the room you're totally immune from being persecuted.
And jazz is a mass murderer's best friend. Cause.
This dub job is making my brain hurt, it's so bad.
Also driving around Hong Kong apparently is awesome (while on massive amounts of cocaine, which would prove too obvious for words but is implied I think)
Also reading sucks. Maybe it's just reading in Chinese that sucks. Or libraries in general, I dunno.
It is kinda cool to see shitty knockoffs of Russian guns being used so openly and without concern for all the problems that would naturally come with them, like jamming, etc. You could pull a gun on a guy and the gun would jam and either the shot would never fire or it would but would stop the next shot from firing. These are all real world concerns which would add a lot of tension to scenes. Instead we are treated with knockoff Tokarev's which hold 3 billion bullets for some reason.
Yes, scenes of paperwork being explained! Wonderful! Brilliant! Bold! Boring! *gunshot
IS THAT ILLLEGAL?
best line of the movie so far. Totally out of place and very ridiculous. I love it.
perfect, Tequila's a jerk and his girl is shrill and annoying. I'm kinda surprised there wasn't a gun battle involving them both by now.
Or was there? KA-ZING.
"Superintendant"
"What's up?"
That's the kind of place i'd like to work at.
Wow, is it just me or is everyone in this film retarded? That would make sense of Mission Impossible 2. (same director)
I'm starting to draw a blank as to why I thought this movie was awesome. OH YEAH, it's because I was twelve. The moments in between mass murder nothing makes sense at all and no one really cares because the action is what it is. I need another drink.
The fact that he also tosses back fish, big fish, bothers me as a fisherman. He's either too lazy to clean and eat it or the lives of fish are too much trouble to kill while murdering twenty men, including innocents caught in the crossfire, are no big deal.
Part of me thinks that MST3K did this dubbing as a joke. It's pretty bad.
Also I don't know what the fuck is going on. All this blue is cool, especially compared to orange but seriously, what is going on?
What? That boss leader dude is way too trusting.
I know this is when slo-mo was cool but way to fucking overdo it big time. Fuck.
Also an IMG has 30 bullets, not a hundred, though why am I even saying this at this point. Fuck.
Guns never need to be reloaded, ever. EVER.
I still don't know anything about the story and i've been here the entire time. Who is doing what to whom has no bearing. Tequila is gonna shoot some bitches, that's it. Also his partner is pretending to be a bad guy, or something, but they still shoot some innocents along the way.
Tequila, why are you wasting time loading a shotgun? Don't you know that gun's ammo is based on cool fusion?
"I Got this high, but surely you don't have to kill all my boys."
Alright, I totally understand why I loved this movie as a kid. It doesn't matter why, or where, or whom, it's all about murder, and lots of it.
Nevermind all that shit, this is the greatest action film ever made.
FUCK ME
I literally have no words.
anyward, undercoer, fuck, fuck, fuck, a guy called Vodka?
Transformers
9/17/13
Only one 40 oz of Mickeys this time, about to start on the vodka and it's a monday.
Is this really how the military would respond to such a situation? I'd like to think they're smarter than this but I have to remind myself that they work for the government.
"Have your crew step out or we...will kill you."
I think that explains Michael Bay dialogue in a nutshell. Then there are some explosions. And then more explosions after that. Wow, massive CGI explosions and tons of people the audience doesn't know or care about dying, then shitty looking robots blowing more stuff up.
Then Shia LeBeouf. Yeah, if this isn't a big middle finger to the audience I don't know what is. Also, I'm usually against drugging kids to keep them in line but the lack of such is the only explanation of Shia. Either that or a shitload of cocaine. Like Scarface levels of blow. Oh how I long for the subtle nuances of Al Pacino's performance there.
Wow, everyone's interactions with everyone else is annoying. Maybe that explains the non-explosive, tiny and very insignificant remainder of Michael Bay movies.
Did Spielberg really executive produce this pile of flaming dog shit? This makes his War of the Worlds seem well paced and well acted and containing excellent CGI that serves the story and not the other way around.
I need more vodka. I also need to wake up at 8 a.m.
But Shia LeBeouf, whose name I don't care if I get right or not; I'm not fucking looking him up on wikipedia at the moment.
Is Megan Fox really that attractive? I suppose I feel that a good actress or a really funny female comedian is so much hotter than a boring plank of wood, though Kristen Stewart makes Fox look like
a young Diane Keaton by comparison.
Alright, I just broke into the plastic handle of Skol vodka. This movie is just that overwhelmingly unbearable. Hopefully soon it will all make sense and won't seem like such a pile of shit. I would say dank shit but then I suddenly long for some good weed. Maybe that would improve the movie. Doesn't matter, I don't have any.
Watching Megan Fox acting like a mechanic, wearing hardly anything, does nothing more me. I'd rather see a more realistic woman behaving like an actual human in a realistic situation than a supermodel pretending to act, being used as eye candy for a paycheck. Maybe it's a good thing I've never been to a strip club. Though I dunno, maybe C-Section scars do it for me.
Oh yes, and the computer expert has to be an insanely attractive, incredibly young woman. And then men are all comic relief or hyper-masculine steroid monkeys. Did I mention I hate Michael Bay?
These robots are all overly complicated and involved so many man hours to achieve a look so goddamn stupid that I suddenly feel sick to my stomach. It's like watching the credits for Iron Man 3 and then seeing all the computer programmers and artists, which is like a solid wall of names for about 45 seconds of scrolling. I would, however, give my left foot to be watching that instead, however stupid and over-the-top the ending was.
Angelina Jolie's dad (I'm not spending the time to look him up cause I know they've got different surnames) is totally phoning it in. It's strange 'cause Shia is totally overdoing everything and so are his "parents". So much so that I would love to murder them. Like a lot. Like way too much.
Did anyone really like this film? I mean, even if you thought the performances were fine and the CGI was applicable, wouldn't it still, STILL, annoy the shit out of you? It seems like, even if everyone had been done well, the script wanted every single character to act like using a cheese grater against your brain was a good idea. The movie wouldn't hurt so bad if it had a budget of 20 million. Same with shitty (see: all since 1997) films by Adam Sandler. Jack and Jill "cost" $79 million to make. Transformers cost $150 million. Dredd cost $45 million, Looper cost $30 million, Shawn of the Dead cost $6 million, Hot Fuzz cost $12 million, The World's End cost $20 million.
Do you see a correlation between cost and popular acclaim? Also, going back to italicize everything is hard while drunk. Also Sandler is embezzling* money for himself and his friends and it's totally a scam**
*Not verified, totally my opinion, not insinuating anything***
**Technically not a "scam"
***I really want to though
Fuck this movie blows. On a side note I'm no feminist, though I am for equality among the sexes (all two of them), and this movie is stupid. All two women in this film are model-attractive and unconvincing in their roles, while all the young men are supposed to be funny and are subjectively unattractive. The attractive men, all in the army, are given hardly any screentime but are certainly there only for the whole "women want them, men want to be them" approach of Austin Powers.
I would do anything for some strong, realistic women or some realistic, non-spastic men.
Of course, changing this movie for the better would mean changing EVERYTHING. Literally. That's how bad it is.
I was thinking about how to make it worse and it came to me. Replace Fox with Kristen Stewart and add in a bumbling (somehow more-so) sidekick in the form of Hayden Christensen. Yeah, that would literally be the worst thing ever and it probably will happen at some point in the future. Suicidal yet? Thought so.
It's weird. I don't know if I prefer Fox's totally BLEH performance or Stewart's so-bad-of-a-performance-it's-really-funny-cause-watching-wood-dry-is-funny. If you like The Room then you probably like Stewart.
WOW, 55 minutes in and now we're properly introduced to the robots. And yeah, it is stupid.
I just looked at the wiki for Transformers and nearly threw up in my mouth. It got positive reviews. And yet The Life Aquatic got negative reviews. This is not a world I want to live in.
More vodka. I'm pushing it, as it's nearly 2am.
And then more robots crash into earth in totaly view of everyone only to somehow secretly slink away, because everyone on earth is an idiot. Yes. Clearly.
I didn't think the explanation of the autobots, delivered by Megatron or whomever the fuck, is one of the stupidest scenes I've ever been subject to. Or had forced upon. Yeah, just keep pounding the exposition the hell against my less than receptive brain. Fuck you.
The forthcoming explanation of the basic plot is so stupid that I have a hard time spelling it out here. Shia's grandfather was in the Arctic for no reason and then was underground in Superman's Fortress of Solitude for no reason, and the Decepticons were there for no reason, and blasted the old man with some invisible beam for no reason, though they were frozen. Then he died somehow, but also some info was encoded on his glasses for no reason, and no one gave a shit for like 100 years for no reason, and now the transformers are here for the glasses now for no reason, or ebay or some shit, and so if they get the glasses everything's chill. Though I think the Decepticons already have the glasses but that's okay as long as the good robots can get the glasses within the end of the screenplay for some reason. That's what I got.
Then there's some shit about masturbation, which is supposed to be hilarious. It is not. It is tedious. Extremely tedious. I need more vodka.
Am I literally only half of the way through the movie? Goddamn son of a bitch. I have half a mind to keep it running while going out for one last cigarette before blessed sleep.
This movie is so fucking long. I have to remember from now on to call it a "movie" and not a "film", because it is definitely not the latter, which should be reserved for anything that might be considered art.
This is terrible. Everything is irritating. Shia's parents are so annoying but that still doesn't explain his chronic coke habit. Nevermind, it totally does, but doesn't excuse it.
NOPE, I don't think so. That's it, that's all I can bear. This movie is terrible and the last little bit can't make up for that. Fuck it.
9/17/13
Only one 40 oz of Mickeys this time, about to start on the vodka and it's a monday.
Is this really how the military would respond to such a situation? I'd like to think they're smarter than this but I have to remind myself that they work for the government.
"Have your crew step out or we...will kill you."
I think that explains Michael Bay dialogue in a nutshell. Then there are some explosions. And then more explosions after that. Wow, massive CGI explosions and tons of people the audience doesn't know or care about dying, then shitty looking robots blowing more stuff up.
Then Shia LeBeouf. Yeah, if this isn't a big middle finger to the audience I don't know what is. Also, I'm usually against drugging kids to keep them in line but the lack of such is the only explanation of Shia. Either that or a shitload of cocaine. Like Scarface levels of blow. Oh how I long for the subtle nuances of Al Pacino's performance there.
Wow, everyone's interactions with everyone else is annoying. Maybe that explains the non-explosive, tiny and very insignificant remainder of Michael Bay movies.
Did Spielberg really executive produce this pile of flaming dog shit? This makes his War of the Worlds seem well paced and well acted and containing excellent CGI that serves the story and not the other way around.
I need more vodka. I also need to wake up at 8 a.m.
But Shia LeBeouf, whose name I don't care if I get right or not; I'm not fucking looking him up on wikipedia at the moment.
Is Megan Fox really that attractive? I suppose I feel that a good actress or a really funny female comedian is so much hotter than a boring plank of wood, though Kristen Stewart makes Fox look like
a young Diane Keaton by comparison.
Alright, I just broke into the plastic handle of Skol vodka. This movie is just that overwhelmingly unbearable. Hopefully soon it will all make sense and won't seem like such a pile of shit. I would say dank shit but then I suddenly long for some good weed. Maybe that would improve the movie. Doesn't matter, I don't have any.
Watching Megan Fox acting like a mechanic, wearing hardly anything, does nothing more me. I'd rather see a more realistic woman behaving like an actual human in a realistic situation than a supermodel pretending to act, being used as eye candy for a paycheck. Maybe it's a good thing I've never been to a strip club. Though I dunno, maybe C-Section scars do it for me.
Oh yes, and the computer expert has to be an insanely attractive, incredibly young woman. And then men are all comic relief or hyper-masculine steroid monkeys. Did I mention I hate Michael Bay?
These robots are all overly complicated and involved so many man hours to achieve a look so goddamn stupid that I suddenly feel sick to my stomach. It's like watching the credits for Iron Man 3 and then seeing all the computer programmers and artists, which is like a solid wall of names for about 45 seconds of scrolling. I would, however, give my left foot to be watching that instead, however stupid and over-the-top the ending was.
Angelina Jolie's dad (I'm not spending the time to look him up cause I know they've got different surnames) is totally phoning it in. It's strange 'cause Shia is totally overdoing everything and so are his "parents". So much so that I would love to murder them. Like a lot. Like way too much.
Did anyone really like this film? I mean, even if you thought the performances were fine and the CGI was applicable, wouldn't it still, STILL, annoy the shit out of you? It seems like, even if everyone had been done well, the script wanted every single character to act like using a cheese grater against your brain was a good idea. The movie wouldn't hurt so bad if it had a budget of 20 million. Same with shitty (see: all since 1997) films by Adam Sandler. Jack and Jill "cost" $79 million to make. Transformers cost $150 million. Dredd cost $45 million, Looper cost $30 million, Shawn of the Dead cost $6 million, Hot Fuzz cost $12 million, The World's End cost $20 million.
Do you see a correlation between cost and popular acclaim? Also, going back to italicize everything is hard while drunk. Also Sandler is embezzling* money for himself and his friends and it's totally a scam**
*Not verified, totally my opinion, not insinuating anything***
**Technically not a "scam"
***I really want to though
Fuck this movie blows. On a side note I'm no feminist, though I am for equality among the sexes (all two of them), and this movie is stupid. All two women in this film are model-attractive and unconvincing in their roles, while all the young men are supposed to be funny and are subjectively unattractive. The attractive men, all in the army, are given hardly any screentime but are certainly there only for the whole "women want them, men want to be them" approach of Austin Powers.
I would do anything for some strong, realistic women or some realistic, non-spastic men.
Of course, changing this movie for the better would mean changing EVERYTHING. Literally. That's how bad it is.
I was thinking about how to make it worse and it came to me. Replace Fox with Kristen Stewart and add in a bumbling (somehow more-so) sidekick in the form of Hayden Christensen. Yeah, that would literally be the worst thing ever and it probably will happen at some point in the future. Suicidal yet? Thought so.
It's weird. I don't know if I prefer Fox's totally BLEH performance or Stewart's so-bad-of-a-performance-it's-really-funny-cause-watching-wood-dry-is-funny. If you like The Room then you probably like Stewart.
WOW, 55 minutes in and now we're properly introduced to the robots. And yeah, it is stupid.
I just looked at the wiki for Transformers and nearly threw up in my mouth. It got positive reviews. And yet The Life Aquatic got negative reviews. This is not a world I want to live in.
More vodka. I'm pushing it, as it's nearly 2am.
And then more robots crash into earth in totaly view of everyone only to somehow secretly slink away, because everyone on earth is an idiot. Yes. Clearly.
I didn't think the explanation of the autobots, delivered by Megatron or whomever the fuck, is one of the stupidest scenes I've ever been subject to. Or had forced upon. Yeah, just keep pounding the exposition the hell against my less than receptive brain. Fuck you.
The forthcoming explanation of the basic plot is so stupid that I have a hard time spelling it out here. Shia's grandfather was in the Arctic for no reason and then was underground in Superman's Fortress of Solitude for no reason, and the Decepticons were there for no reason, and blasted the old man with some invisible beam for no reason, though they were frozen. Then he died somehow, but also some info was encoded on his glasses for no reason, and no one gave a shit for like 100 years for no reason, and now the transformers are here for the glasses now for no reason, or ebay or some shit, and so if they get the glasses everything's chill. Though I think the Decepticons already have the glasses but that's okay as long as the good robots can get the glasses within the end of the screenplay for some reason. That's what I got.
Then there's some shit about masturbation, which is supposed to be hilarious. It is not. It is tedious. Extremely tedious. I need more vodka.
Am I literally only half of the way through the movie? Goddamn son of a bitch. I have half a mind to keep it running while going out for one last cigarette before blessed sleep.
This movie is so fucking long. I have to remember from now on to call it a "movie" and not a "film", because it is definitely not the latter, which should be reserved for anything that might be considered art.
This is terrible. Everything is irritating. Shia's parents are so annoying but that still doesn't explain his chronic coke habit. Nevermind, it totally does, but doesn't excuse it.
NOPE, I don't think so. That's it, that's all I can bear. This movie is terrible and the last little bit can't make up for that. Fuck it.
Sunday, September 15, 2013
Inglorious Basterds
9/14/13
I've been drinking straight vodka since about 4:30 P.M. and it's now 9.
I did my homework this time.
http://boards.420chan.org/b/src/1378906423741.jpg
http://boards.420chan.org/b/src/1378906151178.jpg
Those links won't last long but you get the picture. My coffee cup of vodka just ran dry so I've gotta go refill. brb. Also I need a cigarette. Double brb.
Alright, after that 30 minute one-man dance party and another cigarette I'm ready to get this going. Currently blasting "Come on Eileen". I'm sure my neighbors hate me but Sailor V.
COME ON EILEEN, OH I SWEAR, AT THIS MOMENT, YOU MEAN EVERYTHING, BUT YOU'RE DIRTY
Alright, the film, the film now. This one I actually have on DVD, yeah that's right I didn't pirate this shit, I actually saw it in theaters and then bought the expensive bastard.
COME ON EILEEN TO RIGHT AM, NOW YOU HAVE SHOWN, EILEEN, TOO RIGHT AM, TOO RIGHT AM, COME ON EILEEN, I SWEAR AT THIS MOMENT, AH COME ON EILEEN
Oh shit the movie's started, better cut off the music. It's dying down anyway. Alright, milk scene take me home. No, titles at the beginning, Woody Allen style. Cool.
Alright, hittin some wood, some Beethoven, papa.
I love how GODDAMN slow this scene plays. It's so slow. If I hadn't done my laundry earlier I could do it now. The Nazis are coming, the Nazis are coming.
Is the German landscape really that beautiful? Fuck me slowly with a chainsaw.
Subtitles. Great, it's not like I can read at the moment. Or that I know French. Wait, we're in France, aren't we? Fuck. Alright then, dairy farm, milk, cool. Shoot me now this scene is so depressing. Hang on, I've got a knife, I'll carve my depression into my forehead.
Yeah this guy's cows kick Nazi ass.
Nazi cows are so uptight, it's hard to get any milk at all and the milk you DO get is kinda anti-semitic.
Fuck I'm too drunk, there are like ten nazis sitting at the table, but I'll try to continue.
Damn, old pens suck. I like their results but fuck they take a lot of goddamn effort.
PIPE WARS.
http://memestorage.com/_nw/19/30578586.jpg
damn this nazi' got good handwriting
...Fuck this is a good scene. So slow, so poignant. It makes the vodka taste sweeter.
fuck this movie is depressing.
Alright, Brad Pitt is fucking awesome. I want to have his babies. Killing GNATZEES is the greatest thing that's even been done.
This is a very good and brutal comedy. Everyone must understand that this is a comedy. I see parts that Valkyrie treats as serious where this is wholly parody. Still, I have to enjoy the killing of nazis. I find no humanity there, and even those who were "tricked" or "goaded" into joining deserve nothing less than death. The men working at the death camps technically deserve torture but I would be willing to give them a quick death. I could never torture anything. Still, bashing a neo nazi's brains into mush would give me the greatest pleasure. Neo Nazis know the lay of the land and they still do what they do and each one is a member of a no-good clan and they deserve to be destroyed, piece by piece if need be.
A few years ago my halloween costume was "the bear jew". A lot of people didn't get it but it's all cause of this one scene. Beating a man to death with a baseball bat. I could do that and then eat my breakfast. A more traditional breakfast. My current breakfast is cigarettes and coffee.
Different groups throughout history have been cruel, and the most accurate comparison is that of those damned Americans that enjoyed torturing and selling Africans during slavery. Honestly I might enjoy bashing one of them to bits just as much, pantaloons and all. Not that it truly matters but I'm glad my ancestors were poor, much too poor to have slaves. They were farmers, dirt poor, but that's enough about that.
God, the best parts of this film involve the Basterds, the rest is slow, (still good of course) but too slow for my blood. Blood strewn with large amounts of vodka mind you.
I just saw that famous nazi soldier dude in a spanish film not four nights ago, speaking perfect spanish. Damn, I wish I could know so many languages. Fuck. He is damn sexy, and so is she, though in that scene where she's putting on makeup it very nearly ruins it for me. I hate makeup and, althought I know she must do it to blend in, it's so retarded, what with the obnoxious music and all.
Django Unchained used music much the same as this, blending different eras of music together to form a cohesive whole. Django did it much better. This one has that stupid scene where she puts makeup on and the entire thing just kills it for me. Before that was good, after that was good, but the now is ruined.
Fuck I know I'm drunk 'cause I'm goin on another anti-makeup tirade. I do that. Fuck makeup.
I do know how it is to be with someone more famous or popular than you, sitting there acting like everything's cool when inside you want to slit your wrists more than usual.
Fuck, some parts of this film are really stressful. I don't know what I'm doing watching it, like 20 glasses of vodka rocks deep. I'm getting concerned, because after so much I should be on the floor but instead I feel slightly buzzed. Fuck this. So expensive.
A million years have passed. It was twelve when I paused it and now it's 3:27. Fucking telephones. I need a drink. "Let the Sunshine In" by the Fifth Dimension.
Everything is what it is, fuck everything else and anything that tells us otherwise.
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
alright I'm fucked the shit up, i Cannot continue
I cannot continue
fuck the gnazis, it is beyond my control
Out of 42 lovely gnazis I give this pitcure 20 gold franks.
<3
9/14/13
I've been drinking straight vodka since about 4:30 P.M. and it's now 9.
I did my homework this time.
http://boards.420chan.org/b/src/1378906423741.jpg
http://boards.420chan.org/b/src/1378906151178.jpg
Those links won't last long but you get the picture. My coffee cup of vodka just ran dry so I've gotta go refill. brb. Also I need a cigarette. Double brb.
Alright, after that 30 minute one-man dance party and another cigarette I'm ready to get this going. Currently blasting "Come on Eileen". I'm sure my neighbors hate me but Sailor V.
COME ON EILEEN, OH I SWEAR, AT THIS MOMENT, YOU MEAN EVERYTHING, BUT YOU'RE DIRTY
Alright, the film, the film now. This one I actually have on DVD, yeah that's right I didn't pirate this shit, I actually saw it in theaters and then bought the expensive bastard.
COME ON EILEEN TO RIGHT AM, NOW YOU HAVE SHOWN, EILEEN, TOO RIGHT AM, TOO RIGHT AM, COME ON EILEEN, I SWEAR AT THIS MOMENT, AH COME ON EILEEN
Oh shit the movie's started, better cut off the music. It's dying down anyway. Alright, milk scene take me home. No, titles at the beginning, Woody Allen style. Cool.
Alright, hittin some wood, some Beethoven, papa.
I love how GODDAMN slow this scene plays. It's so slow. If I hadn't done my laundry earlier I could do it now. The Nazis are coming, the Nazis are coming.
Is the German landscape really that beautiful? Fuck me slowly with a chainsaw.
Subtitles. Great, it's not like I can read at the moment. Or that I know French. Wait, we're in France, aren't we? Fuck. Alright then, dairy farm, milk, cool. Shoot me now this scene is so depressing. Hang on, I've got a knife, I'll carve my depression into my forehead.
Yeah this guy's cows kick Nazi ass.
Nazi cows are so uptight, it's hard to get any milk at all and the milk you DO get is kinda anti-semitic.
Fuck I'm too drunk, there are like ten nazis sitting at the table, but I'll try to continue.
Damn, old pens suck. I like their results but fuck they take a lot of goddamn effort.
PIPE WARS.
http://memestorage.com/_nw/19/30578586.jpg
damn this nazi' got good handwriting
...Fuck this is a good scene. So slow, so poignant. It makes the vodka taste sweeter.
fuck this movie is depressing.
Alright, Brad Pitt is fucking awesome. I want to have his babies. Killing GNATZEES is the greatest thing that's even been done.
This is a very good and brutal comedy. Everyone must understand that this is a comedy. I see parts that Valkyrie treats as serious where this is wholly parody. Still, I have to enjoy the killing of nazis. I find no humanity there, and even those who were "tricked" or "goaded" into joining deserve nothing less than death. The men working at the death camps technically deserve torture but I would be willing to give them a quick death. I could never torture anything. Still, bashing a neo nazi's brains into mush would give me the greatest pleasure. Neo Nazis know the lay of the land and they still do what they do and each one is a member of a no-good clan and they deserve to be destroyed, piece by piece if need be.
A few years ago my halloween costume was "the bear jew". A lot of people didn't get it but it's all cause of this one scene. Beating a man to death with a baseball bat. I could do that and then eat my breakfast. A more traditional breakfast. My current breakfast is cigarettes and coffee.
Different groups throughout history have been cruel, and the most accurate comparison is that of those damned Americans that enjoyed torturing and selling Africans during slavery. Honestly I might enjoy bashing one of them to bits just as much, pantaloons and all. Not that it truly matters but I'm glad my ancestors were poor, much too poor to have slaves. They were farmers, dirt poor, but that's enough about that.
God, the best parts of this film involve the Basterds, the rest is slow, (still good of course) but too slow for my blood. Blood strewn with large amounts of vodka mind you.
I just saw that famous nazi soldier dude in a spanish film not four nights ago, speaking perfect spanish. Damn, I wish I could know so many languages. Fuck. He is damn sexy, and so is she, though in that scene where she's putting on makeup it very nearly ruins it for me. I hate makeup and, althought I know she must do it to blend in, it's so retarded, what with the obnoxious music and all.
Django Unchained used music much the same as this, blending different eras of music together to form a cohesive whole. Django did it much better. This one has that stupid scene where she puts makeup on and the entire thing just kills it for me. Before that was good, after that was good, but the now is ruined.
Fuck I know I'm drunk 'cause I'm goin on another anti-makeup tirade. I do that. Fuck makeup.
I do know how it is to be with someone more famous or popular than you, sitting there acting like everything's cool when inside you want to slit your wrists more than usual.
Fuck, some parts of this film are really stressful. I don't know what I'm doing watching it, like 20 glasses of vodka rocks deep. I'm getting concerned, because after so much I should be on the floor but instead I feel slightly buzzed. Fuck this. So expensive.
A million years have passed. It was twelve when I paused it and now it's 3:27. Fucking telephones. I need a drink. "Let the Sunshine In" by the Fifth Dimension.
Everything is what it is, fuck everything else and anything that tells us otherwise.
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
alright I'm fucked the shit up, i Cannot continue
I cannot continue
fuck the gnazis, it is beyond my control
Out of 42 lovely gnazis I give this pitcure 20 gold franks.
<3
Friday, September 13, 2013
Avatar
9/14/13
Viewed with a shitload of Taaka vodka
This film fucking sucks. I could have watched anything, like goddamned Dances With Wolves, Pocahontas, Dune, or Fern Gully. Why am I watching this? Because a fan asked me to, that's the reason. Am I drunk as shit? Check. Do I long for the death of all mankind? Check.
Still, give me anything with mechs and I'll root for the mechs. I don't give a shit if the humans are pieces of shit, they are my people. Blue people are different. If we can work together then that's wonderful, if they hate our race (humans) then fuck them all.
Goddamn, I have to rewrite everything I say because I've been drinking for five hours now. Shit, I need more time to hate on this POS, which is all it is. Basically: humans are terrible and Na'vi: we are stupid so we don't hate on other guilds of Na'vi even though we totally do, we just came together when someone rode the uber red dragon.
unobtanium. Or whatever. That's what it's called.
Also this film sucks. It's got all the makings to be a real film but it lacks the basic love of film that needs to exist in the director. "Just relax and let your mind go blank".
If you want that just watch "Into the Void". That will show you the reality of the universe.
This will show you how far a director's ego will go.
It will go quite far down, 3D included.
(to quote Rifftrax) The film might be in 3D but the screenplay is in 1D.
9/14/13
Viewed with a shitload of Taaka vodka
This film fucking sucks. I could have watched anything, like goddamned Dances With Wolves, Pocahontas, Dune, or Fern Gully. Why am I watching this? Because a fan asked me to, that's the reason. Am I drunk as shit? Check. Do I long for the death of all mankind? Check.
Still, give me anything with mechs and I'll root for the mechs. I don't give a shit if the humans are pieces of shit, they are my people. Blue people are different. If we can work together then that's wonderful, if they hate our race (humans) then fuck them all.
Goddamn, I have to rewrite everything I say because I've been drinking for five hours now. Shit, I need more time to hate on this POS, which is all it is. Basically: humans are terrible and Na'vi: we are stupid so we don't hate on other guilds of Na'vi even though we totally do, we just came together when someone rode the uber red dragon.
unobtanium. Or whatever. That's what it's called.
Also this film sucks. It's got all the makings to be a real film but it lacks the basic love of film that needs to exist in the director. "Just relax and let your mind go blank".
If you want that just watch "Into the Void". That will show you the reality of the universe.
This will show you how far a director's ego will go.
It will go quite far down, 3D included.
(to quote Rifftrax) The film might be in 3D but the screenplay is in 1D.
Thursday, September 12, 2013
The Untouchables
9/12/13
Viewed with three 40s of Mickeys
written directly afterward writing on and viewing "Gangster Squad"
It is a great film, and (last I checked) my best friend's favorite film. Back in the day I didn't appreciate it like I do now. It's depressing and uplifting and violent and wonderful.
It doesn't hurt that it's got one of the best soundtracks of all time (basically one kickass song that rivals The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly, cause it's the same musician).
It's not The Godfather, which nearly brought my best friend and I to blows. Maybe that's because it's about the good guys, and I like to root for the bad guys. In this case I root for De Niro and the good guys. His underlings are all nasty and without back stories, which serves the mood well.
Going off a bit, as I will do so a lot cause I've had a few, I think Nicholas Cage and Kevin Cosner have a lot in common. He'll do a shit film and then a good film and then give a shit performance and then one worthy of award. It's all back and forth.
There are times when the film's editing fails to live up to the quality of the overall picture, as at times The Godfather's special effects (blood packs, etc.) do. That being said, the fact that they've been left alone pleases me. Nothing worse than a Lucas or Spielberg to tamper with something good and make it shit. I cannot entirely fault Spielberg, however, because when he fucked with E.T. he released both copies, the new and old. My personal vendetta against Lucas cannot be contained with words and this is not the time, nor the place. There will be a reckoning.
I think, if he wanted to, Sean Connery could achieve a current acting record somewhat similar to Maggie Smith. Just think about him in Downton Abbey. That shit'd be baller as hell and you know it. Anyway it doesn't matter, he's retired and done with film. Like M. Night Shyamalan should be.
The film does have what I'll drunkenly term "rewatchability" but only after a significant amount of time. Somewhat less than The Godfather, although that is quite lengthy if you plan to watch the whole thing in one sitting, though more than, say, Lawless, or some of those films made during the actual period.
I do remember the accountant in the film being one of the father's favorite heroes, most likely due to his own profession as an accountant. I do feel something for the character and loathe his *MORE THAN 20 YEAR OLD SPOILERS* death.
Maybe I'm drawn more to The Godfather because I relate to the villains more, I don't know. But I will always love the scene where Connery blows a hole through a dead man's mouth to fuck with another gangster (whom is unaware that the bloke is dead). That's some shit i'd do while high on some shit.
So i'll advocate the film, for sure, but not for kids under the age of 6 or so. I think I first saw it when I was 8 but I could be off. Also I do remember seeing it on television a lot, with the language toned down and some of the (bad~~with posies and roses on top) violence toned down. If it's on TV and you've got a little kid you should totally watch it with 'em. I remember when they showed Saving Private Ryan on TV without cutting anything. After every commercial they were super cereal that kids shouldn't watch that shit. It fucked with me but in a very good way and I understood the world.
It's important that kids understand the world. I remember when in kids' cartoons the bad guys still had real guns. I remember when they were still bad.
Oh, the times they are a changin'.
9/12/13
Viewed with three 40s of Mickeys
written directly afterward writing on and viewing "Gangster Squad"
It is a great film, and (last I checked) my best friend's favorite film. Back in the day I didn't appreciate it like I do now. It's depressing and uplifting and violent and wonderful.
It doesn't hurt that it's got one of the best soundtracks of all time (basically one kickass song that rivals The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly, cause it's the same musician).
It's not The Godfather, which nearly brought my best friend and I to blows. Maybe that's because it's about the good guys, and I like to root for the bad guys. In this case I root for De Niro and the good guys. His underlings are all nasty and without back stories, which serves the mood well.
Going off a bit, as I will do so a lot cause I've had a few, I think Nicholas Cage and Kevin Cosner have a lot in common. He'll do a shit film and then a good film and then give a shit performance and then one worthy of award. It's all back and forth.
There are times when the film's editing fails to live up to the quality of the overall picture, as at times The Godfather's special effects (blood packs, etc.) do. That being said, the fact that they've been left alone pleases me. Nothing worse than a Lucas or Spielberg to tamper with something good and make it shit. I cannot entirely fault Spielberg, however, because when he fucked with E.T. he released both copies, the new and old. My personal vendetta against Lucas cannot be contained with words and this is not the time, nor the place. There will be a reckoning.
I think, if he wanted to, Sean Connery could achieve a current acting record somewhat similar to Maggie Smith. Just think about him in Downton Abbey. That shit'd be baller as hell and you know it. Anyway it doesn't matter, he's retired and done with film. Like M. Night Shyamalan should be.
The film does have what I'll drunkenly term "rewatchability" but only after a significant amount of time. Somewhat less than The Godfather, although that is quite lengthy if you plan to watch the whole thing in one sitting, though more than, say, Lawless, or some of those films made during the actual period.
I do remember the accountant in the film being one of the father's favorite heroes, most likely due to his own profession as an accountant. I do feel something for the character and loathe his *MORE THAN 20 YEAR OLD SPOILERS* death.
Maybe I'm drawn more to The Godfather because I relate to the villains more, I don't know. But I will always love the scene where Connery blows a hole through a dead man's mouth to fuck with another gangster (whom is unaware that the bloke is dead). That's some shit i'd do while high on some shit.
So i'll advocate the film, for sure, but not for kids under the age of 6 or so. I think I first saw it when I was 8 but I could be off. Also I do remember seeing it on television a lot, with the language toned down and some of the (bad~~with posies and roses on top) violence toned down. If it's on TV and you've got a little kid you should totally watch it with 'em. I remember when they showed Saving Private Ryan on TV without cutting anything. After every commercial they were super cereal that kids shouldn't watch that shit. It fucked with me but in a very good way and I understood the world.
It's important that kids understand the world. I remember when in kids' cartoons the bad guys still had real guns. I remember when they were still bad.
Oh, the times they are a changin'.
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